I wish I could title this 'ShameLESS Self Promotion'...
but alas, the more years I live on this planet - the less narcissistic I become and therefore the less I enjoy flaunting myself or my wins to the outside world.
OR... perhaps it is that the more years I live on this planet - the more shame I collect?!? I mean - what's wrong with SOME self promotion anyways...right?
I live in a self-obsessed social media era, and I am an actress for God sake... surely some self promotion is needed for my career, and maybe it is even healthy to celebrate wins and chase validation? Wait... who am I kidding... It is NOT healthy to seek validation anywhere other than from myself. No one can value me than ME, so what's with all that shame that comes whenever I want to post a picture of myself in the cruel cold world of the wild wild web??? Not asking for a friend. Asking for the ashamed little me that shakes with self doubt anytime I post a picture of myself online.
And I have a feeling I am not alone in this shameful feeling.
The digital formats of our time have reduced our beings to 2-d flat versions of ourselves, filtered glossy versions that we choose deliberately. We collect likes and comments and follows like they were fuel for life, like they were a drug of happiness, like they were actually validating us. But they are merely an illusion of being valued. They are merely sad reminders that we have been conditioned to chase perfectionism or some societal idea of beauty, or success, or popularity. We all just want to belong. Social media gives us the perfect momentary solution to our craving: a momentary fix for our addiction to love, our need for attention, a stamp of approval to our lives.
So there. My shame is yours. Your shame is mine.
P.S. Here is a shamefully posted photo of myself. Like?
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman