I sometimes think ill of you, like you are this mean high-schooler who thinks she's better than everyone else. Like you have the curse of hubris.
And when I am in your presence I have the curse of hubris.
And anyways who do I think I am ever being PROUD of myself!?
But see, now I realize, there are layers to you. Today I feel the subtle humble side of you. The Pride that doesn't need to flaunt herself, but she is just there. Just there for ME. The Pride that is closer to grounded Confidence in her essence, than the harsher-than-life Vanity. The Pride that feels good to be around. Not from a place of ego, but rather from a place of acknowledgment. Of validation. Of accomplishment. Of gratitude.
That humble side of you, dear Pride, is in a nutshell - being grateful for myself.
Being truly grateful for the luck in my way, the supporters in my life, the loves, the growth, the challenges, the tears... anything and everything that lead me to be someone I would be proud to be.
I realize, dear Pride, that in order to see all sides of you, I must get to know all sides of ME, of what I would consider a proud action, or endeavor, or moment. Who am I when I am in your world, dear Pride? In your layered world, that isn't only a bragging too-proud villain, and isn't only a mean too-proud school-girl. Who am I when a real sense of Pride comes over me. A humble quiet grateful Pride.
Proud to be yours,
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman