When I look back at my first days writing this blog, I remember I had written posts anonymously then. It was to take the pressure off of me, to release my perfectionism, for the writing to be echoed rather than the writer. A year and a half later, I now think it was my fear of EXPOSURE that kept me from revealing my whole self.
*The state of being exposed to contact with something.
*The revelation of an identity or fact, especially one that is concealed or likely to arouse disapproval.
To me, art is at its root practice - the 'openness to be hurt.'
I have practiced that openness as an actor for many years. It's automatic today, like a muscle that knows exactly what to do, like driving, like making love. But as a writer? Sure, I suppose I have practiced writing for many years to MYSELF, to the drawer, to the page or laptop... but I am novice when it comes to revealing my words to the world.
What is it about exposure that my body reacts to even just the thought of it - with fear and tension? How come a person (oui, moi) who supposedly wants to be seen (show me one actor who DOESN'T crave that) is also terrified of being seen at all?!?
People are complicated, mixed, complex.
We are not one thing, but rather we are ALL THE THINGS.
So I will keep investigating my inner exhibitionist that likes to open her wings and then crawl into a hiding spot. Until exposure is practiced enough, and I can be open to be hurt without reservations or fears. Until then... more writing, and even more REVEALING.
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman