The Unsolvable Puzzle

I am a... puzzler. 
That means, I enjoy sitting down for hours, listening to an audiobook, a podcast, or some music, and dig through a thousand or more pieces of a jigsaw puzzle in hopes to fulfill an image of sorts. I enjoy that A LOT. I also sometimes go through phases in life when I get obsessed with a puzzle video game on my phone. Not a jigsaw puzzle, obviously... but rather a word puzzle, or a 'brain' type game, or a strategy cube game. I'll get really into a game, play it obsessively, until I delete it off my phone in protest, desperately eager to bring back some self discipline into my life. I also am really into riddles. I'm not stellar at them, but I'd say I'm above average. I'd like to think that, at least. And crosswords puzzles are pretty dope. I don't solve them often, mainly because they seem to belong to the era of newspapers : A thing that existed not so long ago, and is now almost totally, gone. 

So, yeah, I'm a puzzler.
But what happens when I meet a puzzle, a riddle, a challenge that I CAN'T solve? 
In puzzles, like in life, I obsess over finding a solution. Putting pieces together to fulfill a picture, seems to be a running theme in my life. I used to have a clear image of the picture I was trying to make, but now, as I 'lived a little', I see that the picture is a moving image that always changes, always draws itself anew as I piece it together. At times it's a game of catch up. Other times, it's slow and nearly still, and my hands are guided to piece the pieces together as if they were lead by some superpower. Other times, the puzzle solving is slow and rigorous. And in some unforgettable moments, it's filled with a-ha moments that feel almost orgasmic. Thinking of life as a rotating, ever-evolving image of a puzzle I am putting together, gives me the sense of discovery, joy, and purpose. It gives me both the freedom of uncovering something new, and the craft of meticulous care for my moves. It takes off the pressure of life's expectations, yet also gives me a sense of 'something bigger' that us humans need so often. Some need it in a God, some in nature. Some, like me, find both god and nature in the simple playful arts we have invented, like puzzles, and riddles, and games. 

The puzzle of my life, is an unsolvable one.
​It keeps me on my toes, eager to uncover, and guides my hands to PLAY.