The Place I'm In
I am in a place I thought I knew.
I am in a place I thought I knew well.
I am in a place I thought I knew so well, and nothing was left to be known.
I am in a place I thought I knew so well, except now I am different, so everything seems different, and the place I knew so well seems to act like some place I didn't know it all.
New York was my first love. She was my first home as an immigrant. She was my escape into adulthood MY WAY. New York was my 'Fuck You' to society. New York was my artistic awakening. New York was my personal discovery into who I longed to be. And then, when I had her - the image of the future me I was holding in the palms of my hands - New York seemed to close in on me, and pushed me out to find the new version of who I longed to be. And she was there, rich in creativity, connecting to nature in the vastly different streets and hills of California. So I left New York and moved in to be this other person, this non-New Yorker who is introspective, and sensitive to sensory overload, and a deep thinker and a curious creator. To be that person, I had to merge with my new love, my young love, my California, and let her contain me in all her width and wilderness. And wild she is... she found me and kept me and helped me bloom into a person I kinda dare to say I LOVE. (Note: NOT 'like.' But LOVE.) And love teaches you many things, some of which - it teaches you how to love.
So these two cities, two great loves of mine, are always there by my side. My experiences in them have made me wholer. Have made me softer. And yes, also have made me harder. But above all - they have made me love them. And accept them as they are. And even now, from my California eyes - I see New York is different now. She has grown as well. She has bloomed into who she longed to be. We're not so different, her and I. And she may see me differently now as well. Funny how our eyes change. As we live on, and grow, and develop and change... we change how we see the world, and then - the world changes how they see us.
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply.
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman