Simple Drinks

A bartender checks a WOMAN'S I.D.

BARTENDER: Miss Simple?
MISS SIMPLE: Yes. Born to Yohan Simple and Suzanne Simple. Sister to Frankie J simple and Mary Louise Simple. I'm the eldest.
'BARTENDER: Ah-huh. Something tells me being the eldest ain't so simple.
MISS SIMPLE: No. It's not. Not at the Simple family is isn't.
BARTENDER: I wouldn't know. I'm just a Smith myself, and that's pretty, um, simple.
MISS SIMPLE: Smith what? I mean, Smith who?
BARTENDER: Smith. Call me Smith.
MISS SIMPLE: Okay. Smith.
BARTENDER: What can I get you, Miss Simple?
BEAT.
MISS SIMPLE: You can get me a home, Smith. And a new name with that. Maybe also a new iron. And a television. And a summer dress. A blue one. And medicine for my shoulder. And toothpaste. With Fluoride. And OH, and a gin and tonic, please. Simple.