Sharing Is Bearing
The older I get, the more I learn to embrace the FUCK IT attitude. (Pardon my French).
I say FUCK IT when things don't go my way, I say FUCK IT when someone is a jackass on the road (that's a tough one, especially in Los Angeles...) and I say FUCK IT to my inflated sense of self and over-reacting feelings.
FUCK IT the refreshing breath of air I longed for in my twenties, but I was way too self indulgent to actually practice it. I was all into my SPECIALNESS and couldn't say FUCK IT to that.
But even then, I DID know how to say FUCK IT to auditions.
Once an actor starts auditioning and see how random bookings can be - one develops a mindset (or at least try to) to help process all those countless rejections.
Personally, I learned to adopt a habit of forgetting about my auditions completely once they were done (works about eighty percent of the time) and I even started a habit of rewarding myself with a fun beverage from a trendy coffee shop or a fancy feast from my favorite restaurant. In recent years I started using the 'Every NO brings me closer to a YES' mindset.
And boy does it work for me... Yup, it really does. Those audition NOs can go fuck themselves as far as I am concerned. :)
HOWEVER... as a writer, I have not practiced the art of processing rejections for very long, and a truck STILL hits me in the stomach when I hear what I perceive to be a rejection of my words.
But as the saying goes... 'the only way out is through'... so I've been forcing myself (yes, really, FORCING) to SHARE my work with people. Some supportive friends, some less-supportive friends, some judgmental friends... and some pros that I respect.
And let me tell ya.... the process of SHARING - brings up lots of emotions I struggle to say FUCK IT to. They run through me like a vindictive parasite tearing my insides, ripping me apart flaunting it's villainous laugh. It says 'See! You are NOTHING! Worthless! Failure! Incompetent! Shallow! Amateur! Just GIVE IT UP YA LOSER!'
Yeah... it's fairly tough processing my inner parasite and the emotions it brings along.
They are a lot to bear, those emotions.
They are a lot to say FUCK IT to.
But here I am saying LOUD and CLEAR - FUCK IT to that parasite.
I'm here to share it all, I'm here to bear it all.
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In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman