A Promise To Break
If you are an avid reader of my blog, you must have noticed that yesterday I didn't post anything.
Well, before you jump on me with 'Yo girrrrl. You pledged to write every day, what's up with that!? You're not on your game girrrrrl' and shake your head at me in disapproval and deep disappointment....hear me out okay?
It was completely deliberate.
See, yesterday I sat down by my dear ole' laptop to write as I do every day for the past SEVEN months, but then I thought to myself: 'I started this blog with a desire to battle my own perfectionism, and what better way to test that out than right here and right now, by seeing what would it feel like to break my own promise?' So I closed my laptop shut, and decided to skip the blog for the day.
What followed next was a deep sense of discomfort and guilt.
I am not used to breaking my own promise. Not to others, and even more so to myself. I like to think that it is from a strong need for integrity and keeping my word, but it is also just my need to be perfect showing up.
Being 'perfect' and doing things 'right' have been survival tools for me in family orbit, in school, in work, in relationships.... I can't think of many opportunities in my life were they weren't handy tools.
But as I grow wiser I see any form of rigidity as something I'd like to loosen up a bit. After all, control is merely an illusion to make life with all of its unknowns less scary.
The sense of discomfort and guilt eventually went away. I survived breaking my promise, lived to tell y'all about it, and I may have even enjoyed saying FUCK IT and being UNPERFECT for a change.
How do YOU loosen up your rigidity?
What does YOUR rigidity look like?
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In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman