Lessons I Teach Myself
'There's time for harmony. And there's time for accountability.'
Over the last 36 hours or so I've been mostly glued to the news.
Taking in every new footage, opinion, breaking news, fact or report that rolled in.
I scream at the TV (It's a thing I do. Hey, nobody gets hurt in the process and don't knock it 'till you try it), tear up at emotional posts, and share my views unapologetically on social media. It didn't take long for me to notice the voice calling for... harmony. You know that voice... it could come from any side of the political spectrum really. From people who want everyone to get along. The 'we're all in this together' crowd. The 'Can we just hug it out and move on?' types.
Um. No. No we can't.
Don't get me wrong - I totally get the desire for harmony. I would love to live in 'harmony' too.
But real harmony cannot be achieved when things are swept under the rug. I mean, in your personal life - have you ever reached harmony with someone when there were some things swept under the rug!?
False harmony, perhaps. And maybe that false harmony feels good, for a minute or two.
But real harmony? Real harmony is reached after some healing is done.
And as I see things unfold in US politics... healing needs to be done, and responsibility needs to be taken.
Donald Trump is responsible to the assault of our democracy that took place in the US Capitol yesterday. His army of buffoons are complicit as well. And as I write these words - five people have died from the tragic events of the day. What else needs to happen before an action is taken and people are made accountable for their actions?!?
This time there clearly is someone to blame for this chain of events.
So let's make Donald Trump accountable by removing his from office ASAP.
And harmony? Harmony can wait the F out.
Dear Trump supporter, (Believe me - I am writing 'dear' with great difficulty today)
If you didn't see the writing on the wall in Charlottesville ("Good people on both sides") or the avalanche of tweets inciting violence over the last four years, or even way back when Trump started a racist conspiracy theory on Obama's birth certificate and so many other sickening examples of racism and incitement for violence by Trump... YOU WERE BLIND.
Are you still blind as you watch the U.S Capitol halted and hijacked by domestic terrorists, conspiracy theorists, white supremacists, violent cult followers (because let's face it - Trumpism is a cult), and traitors to democracy?
I grew up in a heavily conflicted country: Israel.
And in 1995 the prime mister of Israel Yitzhak Rabin was making significant steps towards peace and was assassinated by a domestic terrorist who was incited for violence by the political opposition to Rabin and the peace process. (Among those opposing political figures and perhaps the loudest voice - was the current prime minister Benjamin "Bibi" Nethanyahu.)
Twenty-five years later - there is no peace in the region yet.
It sadly seems that more than a man was killed on that day on November 4th, 1995. (Watch the film 'Incitement' about this - you can watch it for free online and it's EXCELLENT)
In 1995 I was just a kid, but I remember the shock, the hurt, the disappointment, the loss when Rabin died, and with him the peace process at the time.
I feel similar feelings now as I watch this atrocious embarrassing chapter in American history, and while Trump is to blame for inciting violence, any of you supporters who have turned a blind eye to it are also complicit.
I realize this may come of deaf ears and blind eyes. And I realize that shaming you for your political choices will not win in any debate against you. I know I cannot convince you that you are WRONG, MISINFORMED and DELUSIONAL with 'the election was stolen!' rhetoric.
So why am I writing to you then!?
Seems like speaking to my echo chamber of people who are in total agreement with me won't reach you either, so at least confronting you with my thoughts - as tough to hear as they may be - has a better chance that they will make you THINK. Or see things a bit differently. A tiny bit.
Call me an optimist... but I believe there is a chance. A small chance... but a chance nonetheless.
Hey! People leave cults all the time... and SO CAN YOU!!!
Rooting for you and for us all for a saner world, where facts & science matter, where violence shouldn't be incited by the leader of the free world, and where you aren't blinded by hate and fear but rather make choices out of love to others.
Living in the city which is right now the epicenter of Covid-19 of the ENTIRE WORLD (oy) has brought with it its many 'perks' of stress, worry and sadness. So this week I have found it especially comforting to meditate on this particular mantra:
Don't worry. Be.
The beginning of this mantra may seem familiar to you.
It may even ring familiar with a catchy tune from your childhood.
And you may have seen the similar saying on a T-shirt or two.
But I've shortened the saying to a mantra that takes any pressure off of it....
so sit back, stay safe (and safer at home please) and don't worry. Just BE.
You run, I hide.
You ride, I cry.
You kiss, I melt.
Round and round we go.
Round and round we spin.
Round and round we dance.
In our circle of love, like clockwork we show up -
I never knew a love like ours.
It is ever changing, ever growing, ever there.
A love I always wondered if I could bear.
So from me to you, and from you to me:
Thank you Self, for loving me.
Be patient with my often changing tides
And count me in for the long ride.
Cecilia was named after the famous Simon & Garfunkel song by the same name.
She hated the song. Nah, like, she HATED it. With a Capital H.
She'd say her name was Jess at bars and Starbucks spots so no one would get the oh-so-original idea to play that song in her honor. Cecilia actually didn't have a problem with Simon & Garfunkel at all - she thought they were dope and she was fond of many of their songs. But if you ask Cecilia - this was their worst song and they should never have ever recorded it if she had her say on the matter.
Strangely enough, Cecilia didn't hate her name. Sure, it had the 'gradma' dated feel of a name that was popular perhaps in the late eighteen century, but she didn't totally hate it. She Just hated the moronic people that always started awfully hum or sing out-of-tune the Cecilia song whenever she introduced herself.
It was the worst first impression anyone could have ever done when meeting Cecilia.
Nonetheless, Jimmy was a sixties-folk kind of dude and he had to, just HAD TO, go into a complete off-beat version of the song when he met Cecilia in a shoe store in Queens, New York. Cecilia rolled her eyes and mumbled 'So original' but he was way too into his terrible singing to even notice. His version turned into a mild hip hop beat for a moment there so Cecilia found herself somewhat amused as she tried on a pairs of brown leather boots. Jimmy finished his performance and actually dared to bow to Cecilia.
Needless to say, he did not get a standing ovation. Nor even a clap from Cecilia. Instead, she half smiled the closed mouth smile she did anytime she met her aunts and uncles every few years, and said "Yeah, thank you. Nice to meet you too."
Jimmy was the fearless type. He was a New Yorker, you see. He grew up with loads of people and have seen all the kinds of guards that people use to protect themselves and to push people away. So he wasn't at all fazed by Cecilia's unenthusiastic response to his Tony deserving showdown. 'She'll warm up to me' He thought to himself and boldly asked Cecilia out:
"I know this awesome steakhouse, on seventh. I know the owner so we can get two for the price of one. You hungry? I mean, you gotta eat, you look to me like you're barely a hundred pounds!"
Cecilia wasn't sure what to response to first:
'This handsome guy may know his way around shoes, but his singing skills are sub-par. He works at a shoe store so a wealthy man he's likely not, and his excitement over two-for-one steak makes that assumption even more likely. And he may have just criticized the way I look with that non-compliment about my weight.'
But while she was figuring all that out in her head, Jimmy has already taken his jacket and was headed to the door. "Don't worry, you can buy the shoes after." He was a New Yorker all right - Always on the GO.
Cecilia felt a punch of hesitation in her guts - After all, she may have been new to New York and all its eccentric types, but she had her share of men that wouldn't take NO as an answer and she knew red flags when she saw them.
Nonetheless, for some odd reason that day, Cecilia found herself walking out the door with a stranger.
To be continued...
When the night falls,
little light fairies appear high up in the sky.
They twinkle when they giggle and spread light dust on us from above.
Some get awaken by that dust - those are the night owls.
They may find themselves suddenly awake with the howl of the moon, and do their little nightly things: write their novels, clean their homes, work their graveyard shifts.
The night owls often look up to the fairies, greet them and the night's arrival.
They live for the nights, those night owls.
Others get struck by the night's wand and the fairy dust deep into their dreams.
Where they travel to faraway lands in the cosmos of their minds.
Where their heads rest on their plush pillows and their bodies retreat to a long deep sleep.
Those are the night sleepers.
They rarely meet the fairies but are always touched by their magic, those night sleepers.
When the night falls tonight - what will you be, dear one?
Darling goals of mine,
Woah. There's a whooooole bunch of you this year.
But as a good parent I must say: 'Fear not, little ones! I love you all the same.'
Some of you have been around for a long while now, since as long as I remember anything, really.
Some of you have been in my life from day 1. And you may never come to fruition, or at least - you may not come to fruition in the way I envisioned you as a three year old. (I like to think I evolved since. And in some ways I have... but in other ways oh how I long to be a three year old once again!)
Some of you are new to the game, fresh off the boat, green as cucumbers.
You are excited and eager to please, and boy do I have plans for you! I wrote you down, put you in my calendar and soon you will be posted on the wall for a giant reminder to keep you in my heart throughout the coming year.
But old or new - the way to you will not be easy.
It never is. It involves shifts and turns, and disappointments and surprises... And you may look very different when I meet you face to face. But I like to think that it'll be worth it. That the sense of accomplishment and fulfillment of paving my way to you will be worth whatever hurdle awaits us.
I hope SO VERY MUCH that you'd be there.
You'd welcome me with open arms when I'll show up to your door.
And until then... maybe send me words of encouragement every once in a while?
Maybe whisper in my ear 'you are ready' and 'fear not' and 'What do you have to lose?'
Or show up in my dreams with a welcome greeting and piece of the puzzle of your great reveal?
Or knock on my head every once in a while, remind me of your desired existence.
Or just stay patient dear goals, we shall have our glorious rendezvouz soon...
Dear world, you've made it.
You've made it through a year of chaos.
Through hurt, through loss, through pain,
Through fires, storms and rain.
Through failed systems and erupting plague,
Through people's sorrow and their rage.
Yes, people fought a lot.
They fought each other and your soil,
Still holding on to their dreams of OIL.
But they also walked through your natural beauty.
They hiked and camped and walked,
And nature's door was at last unlocked.
And what would normal bring along?
Would they defer to what was once fine,
Or will they rise up and read the sign?
That the world is not theirs to take but theirs to cherish,
Because all things are lastly due to parish.
So on this end of year, I wish YOU dear,
To make the most before you disappear.
Life is filled of unexpected turns,
Hold on to the wheel and ride the curve.
And maybe let go every once and a while,
laugh in joy, and sport a smile.
Because a year like this one is a rare gift ,
A year that points us all to an inner shift.
From loneliness to wholeness,
And from soleness to closeness.
Distance taught us all to go within,
And only there can we truly begin,
To mend the pieces of our broken hearts,
And finally give the world its rightful start.
The top photo is how my 2020 started. In Porto, a city I fell in love with and have been aching to return to ever since. The bottom photo is how I ended 2020. Traveling - well sort of - to Porto through a puzzle given to me by my wonderful friend Brigitte that never ceases to amaze me with her intuition and attentiveness.
So like so many other travel junkies, I did NOT do much travel this year. But I sure puzzled a whole lot.
Though - I'd still say I've gone to many new places. Mostly within myself.
We have all been forced to deal with chaos to some extent this year. Loss of a loved one... Job loss... Relationship shifts... Survival clicked in hard and heavy to so many of us. But this year has lead to a very positive metamorphoses to many of us despite the chaos or perhaps I dare say BECAUSE of it.
Some of my highlights of 2020:
*I wrote my first full length play.
*I started this daily blog in April, and have continued it every day for more than eight months. In the blog, I've written poems, short stories, and lots of blurbs about life, creativity and socially relevant political posts. It has been an accountability platform for me to exercise my writings, my voice and to face my perfectionism.
*I continued writing my in-the-works two television shows and a feature and introduced a new inspiring technique to my work thanks to Joan Scheckel's filmmaking labs.
*I started writing a new project that may be a TV show, or may be a film... but honestly it is too weird to be placed in a box! Unearthing a new creative story is incredibly fulfilling.
*I wrote a short film script in which I am now in pre-production for. I plan to direct it in late spring of 2021.
*While on-camera acting has reduced dramatically... I continued my VO career with multiple new TV shows/films for Netflix and I built an in-home VO booth and was able to work from home for most of them.
*I began a consistent daily meditation practice. Something I tried to do for many years...
*I reached a new level of self-care and am in the best shape of my life physically, mentally and emotionally thanks to daily practices of my beloved The Class and good ole' vinyasa yoga.
*I visited FOUR national parks this year: Lake Powell and Horseshoe bend, The Grand Canyon, Zion National Park and Joshua Tree.
*I learned how to ride a bike. Finally. Yes, I realize I am incredibly late to this party.
*I made banana bread, homemade pasta, and lots of other recipes I wouldn't think I'd be so excited about before, but ya know - perks of quarantine.
*I marched, protested and raised my voice in support of Black Lives Matter in the wake of George Floyd's murder, and discovered so many new activists, causes and inspiring voices to support!
*I have cultivated a healthier relationship to social media which means I have REDUCED it substantially.
*I have pulled away from some toxic relationships that were weighing on my heart and nourished the ones that have been inspirational, supportive and lifted my heart with their unconditional love. To all my friends and family: I love you. I love you. I love you. P.S. A major shout out to my W who has been the best quarantine partner I could think of. I hope we keep dancing on the kitchen floor post Covid! <3
With all its complexities, in many ways, creatively and personally - 2020 has actually been the most nourishing year I've had. When we go back to our 'normal' lives with crowds, parties, and large social gatherings, and more work opportunities... I hope to maintain the gifts from this year, and look forward to being socially close once again with a new perspective and a more open and fearless heart.
Thank you 2020. Now get the F out of here...
Happy New Year!
One of my lessons from this past year, is that I'd like to have more WILD in my life.
*(Of an animal or plant) living or growing in the natural environment; not domesticated or cultivated
*(Of a place or region) uninhabited, uncultivated, or inhospitable.
*A natural state or uncultivated or uninhabited region.
The unknown that is always there - even though we try to hide it with our social norms and every day lives, and ambitions and accomplishments and so on - isn't sitting pretty waiting for you to tame it. It comes unexpected, uncalled for, WILDLY. Like the year we've all had. Some wild year was it not?
I sometimes think of this chaotic year: The fear from a global pandemic, the hardship of people looking to survive in a crumbling society, the anger towards governments mishandling the crisis, and the appreciation of some being the example for the rest of the world... and I can't help but wonder HOW LUCKY ARE WE.
On the pain and chaos I've written a ton, but I've neglected to really look at how lucky we are that this virus - as easily spread as it is - isn't deadly to the large majority of us and therefore our world is getting an opportunity for a test drive for a far worse virus.
Covid-19 has brought with it so much panic which lead to scientific cooperation and phenomenal achievement in vaccine discovery, technology and production. And with those - we are lucky to be somewhat more prepared for the next one. And sadly, there very likely will be a next one. And it could be far far worse... Hopefully now we will be more prepared and the next one won't amount to such global disaster.
So let's introduce some more WILD into the mix that is our lives.
The unknown is wild with all its surprises and unhinged chaos and as much as we'd like to pretend we are not... so are we.
Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog that may, or may not be, of any significance to anyone other than herself. If you found her lil' life lessons, stories, poems and blurbs meaningful to you, well that's f**ing amazing! Comment and share so she can pat herself in the back - she doesn't do that nearly enough. Cheers.