T: I take it you are not a fan of Covid-19.
A: Hmmm? Sorry I'm not up to date with all the indie bands out there.
T: What? No, Covid is not a BAND. Covid-19? Corona virus? The novel corona virus? You know, the GLOBAL PANDEMIC THAT HAS SHUT DOWN THE WORLD FOR MONTHS NOW!?
A: Oh, that.
A: What about it?
T: Well, I noticed you aren't wearing a mask so I was just, wondering if this is some sort of protest or something? Don't get me wrong, I totally respect your right to protest or whatever, but you know, people ARE dying and stuff, so. So you might want to put on a mask. And stand 6 feet apart. And wash your hands obsessively. And stay home. Like all the time. Except for groceries, or to walk your dog. Do you have a dog? Oh yeah and you want to wipe down every surface, and your keys, your phone, your wallet, anything that enters your home - if you go out of course, which, as you know, is NOT recommended. Except for groceries. And to walk your dog if you have one. But if you don't, have you thought of adopting one? Or fostering? Now is a great time. It really is nature's rebellion against our society, is it not? The air is so fresh, no smog! The poppies are blooming! Hell, there are even dolphins in Venice! I haven't smelled this fresh air in years! Of course, it could be the lavender scent I sprayed my mask with but it could equally be the air. Who knows? Scientists would know. 'Listen to the scientists' They say. 'Just listen to the scientists.' I am all for it, I'm a critical thinker I'd like to say...not a conspiracy freak like my aunt Becky, or co-worker Jonathan and that dude Rafael I went to middle school with. That's another virus spreading around. The virus of misinformation. I mean, have you been on facebook lately!? Wait, do you have facebook? I'm so rude to assume you have internet, for all I know you could be living on the street like the 50,000 homeless people in LA right now. This society is trash, I tell you. Trash! It's all capitalism's fault. The one percenters and their greed. And it's only going to get worse. But hey - 'it has to get worse before it gets better.' My grams you to say that. She said it even when she had cancer and they had to cut off her tongue to stop it from spreading. The lady kept on talking. Always saying 'it has to get worse before it gets better.' Oh god. Do you think it will get worse? I've maxed out my credit cards on zoom webinars and haven't got a boyfriend. So it better get BETTER soon. Or... I guess I'll start protesting or something. I have right to do that, after all. It's a free country, no? Power to the people? Free. nothing is free. Even this mask cost me twenty dollars. TWENTY BUCKS! Do you believe that? Sickening. (cough) Oh, shit. (two more coughs) It got me. Covid got me. Shit. (three more coughs) I better find an E.R. or something. (streak of coughs) Well, it was nice knowing you. Take care! And stay home! And wear a mask for goodness sake! For all of our sakes! Adios! Wish me luck! Pray for me! if you are into that, of course!
A: Nope. Not a fan.
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman