Letter To Forgiveness

Dear Forgiveness,

Oh, hello there you elusive thing.
What are you?!?
You come and go. You show up unexpectedly, in times I LEAST expect you, and you NEVER show up other times. I reach for you but you turn your back at me, refusing to show. 
We have an inconsistent relationship, you and I. Sigh...

I sometimes dig you, and wear you comfortably and gracefully, and sometimes when others beg for me to wear you - I toss you out with the dirty clothes, the ones I leave behind for months. I guess at times I am just not ready for you.
See, you are like stiletto heels: I know I'll look good with them - everybody looks great with them - but the pain and blisters on my feet make them such a bummer! You are like stilletos, my dear Forgiveness. Easy on the eyes, desired to the soul, but boy are you painful to actually walk in.

Dear Forgiveness, don't be discouraged by my words... 
Everybody adores you, heck - many PRAY for you, but for me... I don't know... sometimes I prefer my flat dirty ole' sneakers, you know? They may not look so good but they FEEL good. Grudges feel good. Resentment feels good. Lingering Anger feels good. But you, Forgiveness? You are tough to chew on, hard to slip on and oh so darn elusive. 
I hope you aren't hurt by my words.
But if you are...well, um, may I ask for your forgiveness....?
Hello? You there? 
Oh, right.

~Your on & off BFF