A tingle in my chest.
A quick anxious beating heart.
That's how I sense fear.
It's also how I sense excitement. But based on the story and the circumstance... my mind can tell the difference between the two.
Many kinds of FEAR are out there. One - the primal one that is - is the most essential of them all: it's the survival skills fear. The fear that shows up to make us turn around in an alley at night, or tread our steps carefully in the jungle, or drive with caution when we come across a reckless driver on the highway.
That's a protective fear, isn't it?
Luckily (knock on wood) survival skill fear isn't consciously felt by me every day. I live in a relatively safe environment and don't particularly find myself in harm's way a lot. (again - KNOCK ON WOOD!)
Yet there's another type of fear that visits me more often:
When I am afraid to take a particular action.
It's a fear of veering outside of my comfort zone.
A fear that could make me come up against the wounded child in me.
A fear that would make me grow by facing it.
That is the same fear that visited me when I began writing this daily blog anonymously over six months ago.
That is the same fear that I felt when I started my small business of a line of jewelry and couldn't see myself as a business woman.
That is the same fear that circled in my mind and heart when I was breaking up with a boyfriend but fearful to lose the friend in the boy.
That is the same fear I felt when I took on a challenging role in a stage play I had absolutely no idea how to bring out of myself.
The challenging fear is my favorite fear. I view it as a bread crumb leading me in the right direction. The bread may taste stale and not tasty at all - but it's crucial for me to taste it in order to build my stamina and my capacity to grow.
I am facing another one of those challenging conflicted FEAR driven crossroads right now. And boy the bread crumb of fear is so felt, it's nearly popping out of my chest!
But no worries dear ones. I'll face it bravely and calmly as I have many times before.
It knows it. I know it. It's a little dance we do, my buddy Fear and I.
And off we go...
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman