The Burner ENTERS, dressed like God (The Christian version with a white robe and long beard.) He stands in the center between Hope and Mickey, who are still sleeping. The burners we have seen in Act 1 ENTER and sit in different spots across the stage. They are dressed in suits and cocktail dresses.
BURNER: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God, ahem - yours truly, to join this man, and this woman in holy matrimony. After days, well - hours, of back and forth flirtation, seduction, push & pull, smooching, bickering and playing games that would shame any romcom, these two realized that they have no choice but get this thing they have wrapped sealed and delivered! Oh, and the fact that they are dying of dehydration is an added factor.
The crowd morbidly laughs at that while Hope and Mickey are still sleeping.
BURNER: Bring along the bride and the groom will you?
A few burners wake and carry Hope over to the burner.
HOPE: Wha…Hello. Hey, that tickles!
A few burners wake and carry Mickey over to the burner.
MICKEY: What’s going on? Gentle on my shoulders!
Hope and Mickey are now standing close to the Burner.
BURNER: Not too close now - sleep breath isn’t my thing.
HOPE: (to The Burner) Hey you look like…
MICKEY: Yeah, right? He reminds me of someone too. I can’t quite place it. The outfit, the beard… so familiar.
HOPE: (to Mickey) You can see him too? I must be dreaming.
MICKEY: Well if this looks like what I think it is then you are most definitely in MY dream right now.
BURNER: Guys. Gals. You are both dreaming all the time. What difference does it make if you are sleeping or awake? A dream is a dream is a dream. What’s in a dream? Where there is a dream there is a way. I dream therefore I am. One small dream for man, one giant dream for mankind.
HOPE: I think you got those a little twisted.
BURNER: Have I?
HOPE: I think so.
BURNER: You think?
HOPE: Yeah… like, I THINK therefore I am.
MICKEY: Woah I actually think ‘think’ and ‘dream’ are interchangeable in some of these.
BURNER: Bingo buddy.
MICKEY: Thanks. I am always super smart in my dreams.
HOPE: And I am a smart ass in mine.
BURNER: Yup, sounds like a match made in heaven. Cue music!
A few burners rise up and hum the Wedding March.
MICKEY: I think I'm gonna cry.
HOPE: Wait.... mister.. God is it? Like, do I call you Mister God?
BURNER: God's fine. Thanks for asking.
HOPE: All right, well God since this is a dream and everything - I think I should at least be wearing a dress I can't afford in real life, like a Vera Wang or something.
BURNER: As you wish.
The Burner Taps his fingers and a burner brings a gorgeous dress to Hope.
HOPE: Score. Thanks God.
BURNER: It's what I do.
HOPE: (to Mickey) Don't look!
MICKEY: I'm afraid that if I close my eyes I'll wake up.
HOPE: Turn around then!
BURNER: Listen to the lady buddy. Happy wife happy life.
Mickey turns around while Hope changes into the wedding dress.
HOPE: Okay. You can look now.
Mickey turns to face Hope.
MICKEY: Holy shit. You look...
HOPE: Like this dress is too big on me? Yeah, I know. I guess I like to feel skinnier in my dreams.
MICKEY: ...Stunning. You look stunning. I can't believe I'm about to live the rest of my dream with you.
To be continued...
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman