Lessons I Teach Myself
Lessons I Teach Myself
Hope and Mickey are sipping their cans of Guinness.
MICKEY: This is the life.
HOPE: As gross as I remember it.
MICKEY: YOU had Guinness out of a can before?
HOPE: Oh yeah. And you may not believe it but I wasn't always vegan either.
MICKEY: You're right. I don't believe that. You probably came out of your mother's womb with a celery stick in your hand.
HOPE: Um, it was a carrot.
So. Is my truck eighty six?
MICKEY: Not totally.
HOPE: Just sort of.
MICKEY: Basically, there are metal shavings in your engine so if you turn it on it will just make it worse, and eventually the engine will die out on you. If we had a hose or something, I could just go to town on it and then we let it sit, let the water drain and it should be good enough to get thirty or so miles in 'till the nearest town. Oh and we'll need some fresh oil. Guess we could pull some from my car... And that's only if the water gets drained out and takes the metal with it. But... we'll need a hose for that and finding a water hose in the desert is like a needle in a haystack.
And that's the best case scenario.
HOPE: What's the worst?
MICKEY: The whole thing is a done deal no matter what we do.
HOPE: So I guess we either find a water hose in this sad little corner of the desert, or...
HOPE: Scream for help.
MICKEY: I'm no meth wizard, but I say the chance of finding a hose right now is close to...
HOPE: Zero point three percent.
MICKEY: And the chance that someone will hear us screaming is...
HOPE: Zero point... seven percent.
MICKEY: Okay then.
Hope and Mickey clear their throats and begin shouting--
HOPE: HELLO!? HELP!
MICKEY: HELP US!!!!!
HOPE: OH FOR FUCK SAKE HEEEELLLLPPP!
MICKEY: I don't think it's gonna work.
HOPE: No? I was just starting to get a sexy raspy smoker voice on.
MICKEY: Your voice is sexy already.
Sorry. Don't mean to embarrass ya. So I'm thinking maybe... maybe we get some rocks and write 'Help' so any airplane flying over us could see?
HOPE: Have you seen any airplane around here?
HOPE: And you didn't embarrass me. I found your car mechanic talk pretty sexy also.
Okay, so... how do we get someone to see we're stranded out here and help us get outta here?
MICKEY: Oh! How about a fire?
HOPE: You want to start a fire in the desert after I just saved you from one!?
MICKEY: Stupid idea. Forget it.
HOPE: Unless... we could start one over there and manage it. Like a controlled fire, just enough of it so the smoke will reach the gas station on the highway.
HOPE: But I think we'll need to have water to actually manage it. My tears are not going to be enough.
MICKEY: I'm a fairly good crier also.
HOPE: Are you?
MICKEY: For a dude. But don't ever tell my dad. He'd beat the living crap out of me.
HOPE: Because boys don't cry.
MICKEY: Never. We're tough.
HOPE: And strong.
MICKEY: And manly.
HOPE: And know your way around cars.
MICKEY: And got muscles. See?
HOPE: You're a mighty impressive man.
MICKEY: You haven't seen nothing yet.
HOPE: That's what I'm afraid of.
MICKEY: I'm just joking. You know I'm joking right? I'm a teddy bear, honest. And I love romcoms and cry in diaper commercials.
HOPE: And your favorite movie is 'Princess Bride.'
MICKEY: It is.
HOPE: But then... your dog's name is Steel. You smoke like a chimney. Drink Guinness because alcohol is "your vice". Know everything about cars. Kiss like a major player.
MICKEY: And I breakdance too.
MICKEY: No. I wish, but I got two left feet.
I guess I like people to think I'm tough and all that. But I'm really not. Maybe I have a bit of a... what you call it... inner conflict.
HOPE: We all do.
MICKEY: Yeah? What's yours?
HOPE: If we end up dying here together - you'll find out.
To be continued...
Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog that may, or may not be, of any significance to anyone other than herself. If you found her lil' life lessons, stories, poems and blurbs meaningful to you, well that's f**ing amazing! Comment and share so she can pat herself in the back - she doesn't do that nearly enough. Cheers.