Quiet. Gentle. Lonely introspection on whether the past several years have made me wise, or rather - did they make me sour? Did the shock of the world shutting down due to a global pandemic awakened shifted my status quo to a point of no return, or whether I now can smoothly sift back into how life was BEFORE, and as if nothing actually happened. Did nothing actually happen...!? Millions of people died. Millions have died that maybe would have still been alive today. Million other people have weakened as a result of the virus in their system. Millions of lives have been affected. Billons have been affected in one way or another. Jobs were lost. Businesses failed. Marriages crumbled. And yet... babies were born during this time of isolation. Real purposes have been found. Lives have been revamped in the process.
It is known that trauma can be turned into triumph.
That lemonade is made out of lemons.
That some curses show up as such but in retrospect are a blessing.
Which is it for me? Has this time been a blessing? Or rather, a curse? The infinitely optimistic side of me screams out 'Blessing, DUH! I found my creative voice during this time! I blossomed in my introverted time! I was fortunate to have work come to me despite the shut down! I started and maintained this blog! I wrote a play! And two TV shows! And a feature! And a poetry book! And more and more and more!' And yet, there is another side of me that contemplates whether I am more fearful now than I was before. That I am more recluse. More introverted. More lonesome. Less ambitious. Less hungry. Less confident. Less gravitating to the world as if it was my oyster.
As the world shut down - my INNER world rose up. I have expanded. I have grown. I have been getting in touch with the most quiet and often overlooked sides of me. The ones I used to bury deep down in fear of no acceptance. And yet - the only one not accepting me has always been... ME. Me and no one else.
So, yeah. The past several years were indeed a blessing. With all their challenges, they put up a mirror for me to face myself. ALL of myself. And sure - there are still sides left to uncover, but I am now brave enough to face them. And more importantly, I am now brave enough to accept them.
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman