Boy, it's been a while, hasn't it?
Here I was thinking you were gone for good... silly me... but you were only napping in the background of my mind, awaiting your turn to wake up with a vengeance.
It's been so long that frankly I forgot what it felt like to be in your presence.
Or more like, my mind forgot about you. But the body? The body always remembers.
My body recognized when my feet tensed up, my head duck low, my shoulders tightened, my lips squeezed and my breath shortened. Those are all signs of your presence. The body knew and greeted you instantly. Not that it had any other choice...
Honestly, I didn't miss you, Self-Doubt.
No offense, but I find you pretty hard to shake off of me.
You are so convicted in your claims and so convincing and justified - that you push any inch of confidence away from me when you show up.
No, I didn't miss your volatile nature, your all encompassing hold on me, the memory of when I used to be with you 24/7 as a child in elementary school.
I bet you thought you helped me then. But newsflash: you never did.
In fact, still today you are not very helpful.
Aside from motivating me to work harder than I think I have to... you have no purpose whatsoever. You exist just to mess with my mind, huh? Just to chop at my heart a little? Or bother my body? You are quite irritating to be around and you love to make me age regress and throw tantrums, don't you?
I don't mean to offend you Self-Doubt - mainly because I don't want you to come back with vengeance - but YOU SUCK.
You, like, really really really suck.
Why don't you find another sucker to hang out with?
Just leave me be with Miss Confidence already.
Unlike you, SHE got my back.
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman