We had a nice little break, didn't we?
A global pandemic kept us apart. Suddenly the world was shut down. I didn't need to be good! I didn't need to be something! To be somebody! You suddenly disappeared as if you were never there before. Quiet. There was a quiet up in my head. I learned who I was without you, Pressure. I learned I can love my art without ambition. I learned I can love ambition without a need to achieve. I learned to reframe success for myself. And I learned I was happy, and still MYSELF, without you nagging me to achieve, to accomplish, to succeed.
It was a good break, wasn't it?
Space made me see your downfalls, but also your strengths: I do actually love to be busy, and sometimes you add adrenaline to my day. A sense of fun, of games, of competition. But could I have all that without the added... pressure, Pressure? Can I reframe YOU to be my dear ole' pushy cheerleader buddy who wants to cheer me on in whatever steps I'd like to take??? YES! Be my pushy cheerleading buddy, a positive voice in my head, instead of the tough soldier you are always showing me there's more to do... showing me the mountains I'd like to climb are so high and out of reach.
Truth is, I already know all that. I don't need you to remind me of how much more I'd like to do in my short time on this planet. I already know that.
Truth is, your presence makes me want to crawl deep in the dirt and blind myself from the mountains of my ambition. In simple words: you drain my drive, Pressure.
Truth is, I do a whole lot better without you. I reach far higher mountains when I enjoy the way there, when I smell every flower, and feel the earth on my feet, and watch the stars leading my way.
Truth is, maybe we should take another break, you and I.
Maybe we should.
Until the next time... or never?
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman