Letter To My Anxiety
Ahhhh here you are again. I should have known you'd be here... you never miss an opportunity to perk up when a new endeavor is on the corner.
I can feel you in my chest, beating on me real fast. I can feel you when I am in love and butterflies are dancing in my stomach. I can feel you on stage when my voice trembles and my face flushes red. And sometimes you show up in less predictable times - out of the blue and announced - I feel you throughout the day, like a flying insect in my tummy, or a ticking clock, or a wood-pecker that longs to be noticed.
Truth is - you are one of a kind dear Anxiety. You show up when things are good, when things are bad, and any and all times in between. Like, right now as I am about to take a leap into a new direction.
Frankly, I am used to adding more hats to my collection - after all I am an actor, a voice-over artist, a screenwriter, a poet, a blogger, a jewelry designer, a business owner, an aunt, a partner, a cat mama, and lastly - a Clubhouse enthusiast... and YOU, dear Anxiety, have predictably shown up at every single of ones of those new endeavors of mine.
You are often there with Fear and Self-Doubt and together you three are making me feel like I'm the smallest speck in the universe - far too small to take on a new endeavor. Will Power and Optimism have had to peel me up with all their might to put you three on simmer at times. Sometimes you three fight back and even bring Terror along for the ride. In rebuttal, Will Power and Optimism bring in my secret sauce - Confidence, and all is well that ends well.
Sometimes when things are better - you bring Excitement along with you and together you make me a giggly bubbly version of myself. You are always a collaborator dear Anxiety. Rarely show up alone. You have many MANY friends inside my body, heart, mind and soul...
Today you showed up with Fear, Self-Doubt, and Shame to scare me off.
You showed up to warn me, like:
'Um, do you really want a piece of THAT!? We're not ready for that though, are we? No, we're not. Yes, we are! No! We are NOT ready for that. It's too much for this little frail body.'
It worked. You scared me. You made me anxious. I was warned enough to shut my computer down and announce: 'I am not ready for that!'
But then... a little voice popped up. A little voice of Acceptance.
So now here I go, with Acceptance, breathing you away, and breath by breath you seize to warn me. You seize to knock on my belly anxiously. But hey - I know you are my protector. I accept that. I honor that. I appreciate that! I know you mean well and only well.
But I don't need more protection now, dear Anxiety.
I've been here before and I can be here again.
Your services today - dear Anxiety - are no longer needed.
New endeavor - here I come!
With a loving send off...
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In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman