You are a feisty determined lil’ thing, aren’t you!? You pop up without any notice, almost at every time of the day. Always overshadowing everyone else. I wish I could say I hate you, but truth is: I like your company. You make me feel powerful. Better than. Strong. Capable. You make me feel my ego, and boy it sometimes feel good….. until it doesn’t. Until the face in front of me - the offended face, the judged face, the shamed face - sighs in sorrow and my heart breaks.
And all I can say is I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.
You, dear Judgment, take the best of me. You own me. Like your bitch. You rule me like I’m your disciple. You devour me. Like I am your cannibalistic feast.
You’re a force of nature, a villainous beast, and I am a mere human in the face of you.
I can mediate all day long, and be all ‘zen’d out’, and you will still surprise me suddenly, without notice- catching me without ay armor.
You must be an essential part of the human condition. The theme of morality, right & wrong, judgment, they are all invaluable themes in the human condition - there’s value to that in our world. There IS value. But see, so often you are misplaced, Judgment. You show up in the wrong time, along with Ego, and you separate me from whoever I could look at without judgment - if you hadn’t shown up.
I hate you Judgment, because it feels good to be in your vicinity. Until it feels bad.
I need you, because some of you is needed to function in a society like ours. Some of you is needed in order to make decisions. Some of you is needed in order to follow my morality.
But I hate you nonetheless. Because when I am with you - than I am NOT with the person in front of me. When I am with you - I am only yours and separate from my community.
Unfortunately, often yours,
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman