Aw how much I love you. I adore you. I could eat you whole!
I think you and I have been an item since I was born. Legend has it... well, according to my family at least.. that you and I were an item from as early as my first days, hanging out in the hospital with all the other screaming babies. You and I were not screaming. Not one bit. Because we had each other. I mean, sure, we had my mom to lean on for food and love and care and all that... but you and I were like a match made in the womb, and we've been going strong ever since.
You were with me when I tip toed into kindergarten, and school, a new school, with boys, and then with work navigating the entertainment industry as a teenage girl (You were CRUCIAL then), and you tagged along with me when I moved to another country to pursue my dreams, for BOTH of us to finally have our freedom to live together almost as lovers. Some judged me for you. Called me 'intense.' 'Recluse.' 'Loner.' But I wasn't all that. I was just in a co-dependent relationship with you, dear Independence.
It became clear when I went into therapy a few years back to announce 'I am a workaholic!' only to discover that I was addicted all right, but it was really YOU that I have been addicted to. And now here I am, trying to redefine our relationship. Trying this 'interdependence' thing means that you and I may need a little break. Collaborating and leaning on other people means that you and I can no longer be exclusive. Admitting that I, too, need people - means that you can no longer be the only love in my life.
But I do love you, dear Independence.
You are my ally, my fierce right hand, the best coping mechanism I could ever count on... and yet - growth means I have to go where I am most uncomfortable. And that means seeing who I am separate from YOU for a change. At times, not always. But at time, separated from you, dear Independence.
Always yours, but no longer only yours...
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman