We don't hang out a lot - you and I.
I tend to move over to lady Anger shortly after you arrive. Or straight to Miss Sadness, or Disappointment. Even Despair has greeted me after your visit.
So yeah, our time together is often short. But it stands out:
The frowning that comes along with you, the shrugging of the shoulders, the shaking of the head, the lip smack, the eye roll, the whiny voice...
You bring a lot of friends with you, don't you? Do you do that to prepare me for what'd come next? So I'll feel every inch of you in my body and my voice, as if to send me an amber alert - a loud one that makes sure I read its content?
You must seek attention from me real bad.
You must want to be heard. Seen. Acknowledged.
Well, here I am - SEEING you, and I appreciate your deliberate banging on my head. I appreciate your warning to what comes next. Because Anger, Sadness, Despair... those are all far more severe than you are. You are simply a train stop on the way to somewhere harsher for me to swallow. You are a warning sign that somewhere I have been triggered, or something has actually happened, and that I'm on a train heading somewhere now.
You also remind me of the child in me: the brat. The spoiled. The selfish. The child who has yet realized that nothing is within her control. The child who thinks the world revolves around her needs. The child who doesn't know yet that she won't always get what she wants. No matter how much she'll want it. (Sorry to blow your bubble all you manifestors of the world!) You and her are a bit linked.
So thank you for the warning and the reminder that the child is always there in me, waiting to burst into the air. She, too - longs to be seen. Heard. Acknowledged.
Perhaps you, dear Frustration, ARE the child.
Until we meet again...
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman