Oof. You feel good floating down my veins, lighting me on fire, getting me primed and ready. You fit to me like a pea in a pod. You stick to me like superglue. SuperSUPERglue. You spoon me like the best of lovers. You comfort me like the best of friends.
I have always enjoyed your presence.
In fact, it was in your presence that I made some of my most important life decisions; when I left my hometown in search of a bigger pool to swim in, when I knocked on opportunities' door, believing the world is my oyster, when I hustled, and worked hard, and SURVIVED month to month because I believed in the future I set up to have.
It was YOU that knocked on an agent's door as a tween, announcing 'I'm here!'
It was YOU that flew across the world to NYC without a shred of worry about not having enough money, and not knowing anyone, and having a foreigner's accent and mentality.
It was YOU that showed up to auditions, day after day, facing the inevitable NO with open arms. It was YOU that saw opportunities and possibilities in the seemingly smallest avenues - an unpaid student film, a music video, a passion project.
But it was also YOU that was hurting when things didn't go your way.
It was also YOU that grew bitter, and irritated, and angry.
It was also YOU that reached milestones just to see they didn't feel all that great.
Ambition, dear, you exist in the gathering of something. In the chase. In the quest. In the hunger. Intertwined with Desire and sometimes touching on greed - you don't exist without wanting something so much that you spring into action. And sometimes - that action causes you to fall flat on your face.
In the buddhist belief, desire is the root of human suffering.
I get that, really do, but I also think that suffering is an integral part of the human experience. And so is desire. And YOU, Ambition, are an integral part of MY human experience. For better or worse.
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman