What is it like to put myself at the forefront?
I mean, hey - I am an actor, I can take center stage. I mean, oh Lordy was I born to take center stage!? The feeling of lights on me - as hot as they may be (bring it) is like crack to this center-stage junkie.
BUT that's easy for me.
See, as an actor I get to expose myself through a mask.
I use someone else's words and craft a character that is in many ways IS me and in many ways is very much NOT me. There is a sense of protection of myself in the art of acting.
But revealing myself WITHOUT the mask? Exposed, easy, natural as I come... is far harder for an introvert such as myself. SO hard, that at the start of my blogging journey I kept the blog anonymous and didn't tell a living soul about it. I grew courage and am getting far better in the art of 'fuck it' when it comes to sharing my writing with others, BUT speaking as myself in an arena of public speaking can definitely still give me some anxiety. 'Will I say the right thing? Am I interesting? Should I shut up now? Isn't it hot in here!?' All those types of thoughts and even more absurd ones come up in my head when I am at the forefront.
I recently got a new toy. It's part a toy, and part a learning device. And it may be surprising to you that it's also a social media app. Yup. 'A social media app you can learn from!?' You may wonder. And you may roll your eyes. And to some extent you are right to do so and I would roll my eyes right along with ya...
But in this toy, this app, this WEIRD instrument I get to:
A) Play on my fear of being at the forefront.
B) Master the art of listening.
C) Master the art of conversation.
And they're all rolled in to one! Not to mention my new toy also helps in making real connections with people at a time when we are all so distanced from one another.
So THAT. Yup. THAT is gold.
This club is my new drug of choice: A stage where I get to take off any and all masks and put my very SELF at the forefront of speaking, at the forefront of listening, at the forefront of learning.
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman