MAMMIE: DON'T give me that face. I know that face. I was BORN with that face. Nah, I created that face. I birthed that motherfuckin' face! Sit your ass down and have a listen, all right? Now. I don't mean to yell. You know I don't like no yelling. My voice gets scratchy and Juanita from apartment C will bang her broom on her ceiling if I yell. And then she'll shake her head at me by the mailbox or at the laundry room. And I like Juanita, allright? I like ALL my neighbors. We live in serenity, peace and community here in La quinta Queens apartment and so I can't - I repeat - I CAN'T YELL! God forbid they'll all give me the stinky eye and we'll end up losing my deposit and that would be a whole crock of shit!
So. Let's talk quietly and gently. Like adults. Like two adults having a simple conversation.
JIMMY: I'm a kid.
MAMMIE: Well then be an adult! For once. Afterwords be a kid all you want.
MAMMIE: It's that face again. I said DON'T! That face breaks me. Chops me to little pathetic slabs of meat even a dog won't eat. Spare me the face or I'll swear to mother fuckin' god I'll YELL!
Did you go snoopin' around in my safe and opened up your birthday present a whopping five months early!??
MAMMIE: It's the face. Boy do I know that face. The 'you caught me' face!
In April 2020, while experiencing her first ever global pandemic, Tamar Pelzig pledged to write something every day, even if it's only a word, so she welcomed to the world a daily blog to keep her creative writing wheels rolling.
Header Art: Daniel Landerman